Authentic Networking

I have written many articles about Authentic Networking, that are about using a genuine, generous approach to building your “extra team”.

We all need this type of network.

The basic premise of
Authentic Networking is:

* Meet new people because they genuinely interest you
* Build and put value into your network by giving.
* Network with the people you already know — before you need anything.
* Give more than you take, always.

I often say that even if you never meet another person in your whole life, you should still be putting value into the network of people you already know!

Expanding your network

OK, but what about the kind of networking where the primary purpose is to meet new people to “sell to” — to recruit new clients, generate leads, raise money or find a job.

The thing many people struggle with here, is that although selling (or getting something) is the ultimate goal, it should never be the initial networking goal.

The wrong goal:

Success = Meet a new important person and get them to do, give me, or commit to something.

This is stressful because 1. The bar is too high, and 2. It doesn’t work.

A better, friendlier goal

Instead think about setting your networking goal as:

Success = Meet a new person and get an invitation to talk again.

Modifying the goal from selling to meeting sidesteps two bad behaviors people run into when building a network to sell to.

1. Don’t try to close the deal

In fact, don’t even try to open the deal in the first meeting!

Here is good story about this:

A very competent PR person was at a networking event (where prospects for her firm were present) and she was having a great time talking to a man for about 20 minutes. They were both enjoying the conversation. Then the discussion came to, “What do you do?”

When it was revealed that she was a PR person and he was a CEO, she became uncomfortable for two reasons.

1. He is a CEO and therefore a potential client that I should be selling.
2. He will be turned off by the fact that I am a PR person who wants to sell him.

The conversation ended.

Alternatively, if she had set the goal as: meet a new friend, she could have declared the whole thing a great success, and set her agency up for future selling opportunities.

When the “what do you do?” came up and he said, “I’m a CEO” she could have said, “That’s great, tell me more”. She would have learned something about his business, that might have provided a hook that would be useful later.

Offer something of value

Then after continuing the conversation she could say, “I enjoyed talking to you very much. You know, our firm works with a number of CEO’s who share similar business challenges. Why don’t we set up a call and I can share some of the interesting benchmark data we’ve collected?

An invitation for another contact = success.

Take your time

It’s important to realize it might be 5 or 6 conversations before you get around to selling what you are selling. That’s OK. That’s networking.

If you set your goal on making a new friend, the other benefit is that after a few conversations you have also earned the right to ask, “Do you know someone else I should be talking to?” That’s a way to meet even more people.

I can tell you that several of the biggest wins in my business have come 1-2 years after meeting someone, staying in touch with them because we liked each other, and then later getting introduced by that person to a prospect, sale, or media channel.

Stay in touch

The part that makes this work is to stay in touch. Keeping in touch with people you already know is a huge part successful networking. Your network only has value if you put value into it. Here are 10 ideas for doing that.

2. Don’t try to be Impressive

No one is ever more impressive when they are trying to be impressive!

Once you take away the pressure to be a fascinating, interesting, important person, you will come off much better. There is almost nothing less interesting then someone who is trying very hard to be interesting.

Be interested

I think it is a fairly old adage to be interested instead of being interesting.

When someone is trying to too hard to be impressive, they become in-authentic and it shows. Nervous energy bleeds through. And they can seem overbearing or desperate. It’s not always malicious or on purpose. Sometimes insecurity just gets the best of you.

When this happens it is important to get yourself into a different communication mode. You need to calm down. Listen. Be helpful.

Helping a friend

The best way I have found to achieve this mental shift is to think of every new prospect as though they are a good friend you genuinely want to help.

If your ultimate goal is to cultivate a prospect or develop a sale, what could be better than first thinking, “What would I do if this was my best friend, and I was genuinely trying to help them in a way that they actually need help?”

You would be motivated to ask questions, to listen, to understand what they were really going through, so you could maybe think of a way to help them.

This type of conversation is authentic. It is very comfortable for you and disarming for them. And it allows you to automatically avoid the risk of being annoying by trying too hard to be impressive (or selling too soon). It also lets you find out what kind of help they actually need!

If they need something that whatever you are selling doesn’t offer, then don’t offer it. You wouldn’t do that to your friend, so why would you do it to anyone?

Instead think, well darn, there is not an opportunity right now for me to get what I am hoping for, so let me put that aside and figure out some other way I might be able to actually help.

This keeps the door open — still a good outcome.

Let’s go back to the example, if you are a PR person, and if the CEO tells you his biggest issue right now is that they lost the two key developers of their product, what would you say to your best friend? Would you say, “Hey, I bet you could use some PR?”

Learn more

If you care about your friend you might say, “That sounds tough, do you know what you are going to do? Can I help?

Maybe you can introduce them to someone going through something similar. As the conversation continues you might find a way you can actually help. You might even stumble upon an angle where a PR program could buy them some time to fix their development issue.

Actually be helpful

By being genuinely helpful you are focusing your energy and the discussion in the most productive way, and you will gather the most insight that you can apply to selling later.

Also being helpful has the added benefit of getting them to see you as helpful!

So when they can eventually see that they need what you do, they will be favorably inclined to talk to you about it. They will want to spend more time with you.

If you start by selling or trying on purpose to be brilliant, you more often than not come off as aggressive and annoying – even if your intentions are completely honorable.

But when you stop focusing on your agenda and instead actually care about what others think and need, you will create future opportunities to connect, and you will BE more impressive.

By doing this consistently, you will build a self-referring network of possibilities for future selling.

What about you?

For those of you that are great at this, please help all of us by leaving some ideas about how you open doors and maintain contact with your prospects.

Just leave a note in the comment box below. Thanks!

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

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Thank You!

Thank you to everyone who came out last night to make the RISE book launch such a success.

The store SOLD OUT of all their copies of RISE!

It meant so much to me to see long time friends and meet new ones. And it was a fantastic networking event. And there was Champagne.

Enjoy the photos and have a good weekend…

Get your copy now!

RISE: 3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader (and Liking Your Life)
Free eBook Download (chapter)

RISE is available now online (hardcopy and e-versions) and in bookstores in the US, Canada, the UK, India, Singpore and Australia.

Learn more or get the book at risebook.com.

For large volume and corporate orders, contact me.

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

Free eBook Download (chapter)

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Confused and stuck

When I was in college studying electronic engineering I did OK in most of the classes, but some were truly baffling.

There was one class in particular where I really struggled.

I sat through all the lectures, copied down all the equations that the teacher wrote on the board and took copious notes about what he was saying – to no avail…

My study partner/friend and I would spend hours on end slogging through the homework questions in the textbook trying to learn the material. We would fill notebooks with equations, never being sure if we were doing the right thing or not.

Then right before the final exam, the professor made an offer to the class…

We could come to his office and take a look at the “Teachers Answer Guide” for the course textbook, to help prepare for the exam.

You still had to do all the equations to show your work, but the answer guide revealed whether the answer looked more like “4.79 microns” or “infinity” and it noted the right approach to take to get there.

This was pure magic.

The answer guide (more than the professor!) allowed us to finally, actually learn the material!

I found myself thinking, why wouldn’t you just give all the students the answer guide up front, for the whole semester? So they could spend their time learning instead of suffering and wasting time?

Well here it is…

My book RISE is released today from Ten Speed Press (Random House).

When I thought about what I had written, I realized that RISE is like getting the “Teachers’ Answer Guide” for advancing your career.

The Career Answer Guide

No more running in the wrong direction and wasting time and energy trying to do the right thing for your career, but getting the wrong result or staying stuck.

With RISE you get the answers up front, for how to succeed in your career:

What do you want? for YOU? in your work and life? Here is how you get it. These are the things you need to do. And these are the things you need to avoid. Specifically.

I wrote RISE so that others could get the benefit of what I learned advancing my own career from entry level engineer to CEO. It’s all in there.

RISE is not an academic, one-idea business book. It is a comprehensive, practical, real-world, how-to, answer guide for getting the career breakthrough you want. (While liking your life too).

There is not a more useful book on the topic of career advancement out there. I looked for years and finally decided to write it!

Get RISE Now

RISE: 3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader (and Liking Your Life)
Free eBook Download (chapter)

RISE is available now online (hardcopy and e-versions) and in bookstores in the US, Canada, the UK, India, Singpore and Australia.

Learn more or get the book at risebook.com.

For large volume and corporate orders, contact me.

If you’ve read RISE and liked it…

I’d like to ask you a favor.

Will you help me by contributing to the conversation online?

I know you are really busy, and I’m not asking you to do all of these things, but any one of these would be fantastic and much appreciated.

Here are some ideas:

* If you’ve read RISE, write a short review on Amazon.

* Like RISE on Facebook (click LIKE when you get there).

* If you see RISE in a bookstore or in an airport, snap a photo and post it to facebook.com/risebook or email it to rise@AzzarelloGroup.com.

* Leave a comment on the Rise facebook page about how RISE has helped you.

* Post a comment and link to http://www.risebook.com on your own facebook or twitter account.

* Use the share buttons at the top and bottom of this post.

* Forward this email to people whose careers you care about.

Thank You!

I believe that everyone should get the answer guide up front — I want to share all the secrets!

I wish you much success in your career — and I’d like to help.

Patty

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

Free eBook Download (chapter)

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Really smart people who get to the answer before everyone else get frustrated because:

• No one wants to listen to you
• No one gets why you are right
• Everyone seems to WANT to go slower (and it is infuriating)
• You resent having to make the effort of “bringing people along”

Good guy or bad guy?

I have met and coached many talented and genuinely kind people throughout my career that want to do positive things for the business in an unselfish way — but they get stuck because they are so smart that they piss people off.

If you are one of these people, or you have one of these people working for you – here is the trick.

You can either be Smart or you can be Effective

No one can do everything alone. You need other people — either to help or to get out of your way!

So if you can’t influence them, you will face road blocks and fail to get others working on your agenda. You will not be effective.

If you want to be effective, you have to suck it up and bring people along with you, even though it seems like a waste of time.

Here are some ideas… First, slow down even though it goes against every grain of your being.

Include people: don’t just announce the answer, go through the step of setting context and getting input.

Listen: In meetings, give others time to talk, and listen instead of arguing or shutting them down. You may feel like you are wasting time, but you will win favor by listening.  It will pay-off later when you need to get their support.

Don’t be mean. I know you are not trying to be mean on purpose. To you, it doesn’t feel like you are being mean. You are trying to be straightforward, practical, share the answer, and make progress. In fact, one of the things that is so annoying about these people is that they accuse you of being mean when you are not.

But they have the right to their perception. What they see may be your dismissing their inputs, ignoring them, or picking fights publicly. Say less. Be more gracious. Be more patient. Use more steps in your logic. Get smaller agreements along the way. Say thank you.

Make an effort to learn what their strengths are. You may be pleasantly surprised. Or not. But if you can get someone talking about what they are good at, and show some appreciation of that, they will be your friend, and you can get their support for your agenda.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. Keep in mind that these people might be brilliant in ways that you don’t see — in ways that you are not.

What if someone in the room is really gifted at networking and connecting and getting others to get on board? Even if they never understand your project, if you can win over that one person they can help you bring all the others along.

For example, what if that annoying guy who asks too many questions, and is just not getting the big picture, has a relationship with the CFO that will get your idea funded if you can win him over?

Set your sights on effectiveness

OK. Even if you are truly in a room full of stupid people who can’t keep up, you have a choice to make. Jump to the answer alone and face roadblocks, or make the effort to bring them along, so you can get the job done.

It’s a choice you have. It may be frustrating in the moment, but the upside is that you will be getting things done – maybe not as fast as you want to go, but better than not at all.

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

Free eBook Download

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The Webinar:

This month’s Business Leaders’ webinar was on Leading People in Business.

If you missed it you can download the podcast or the whole webinar which includes the presentation, and useful worksheets and templates.
(more information below)

Here is what we talked about:

Business Results

Driving business results, leading change, innovating, and generally moving a business forward requires leading people. An organization will not automatically self optimize so that all the people do what the business needs them to do. That’s the job of a leader.

As a leader, you need to get your whole organization aligned, ready, willing and able to do what the business needs.

People vs. Resources

Unique Skills: Either you believe that people are unique, creative people with individualized skills, or that they are interchangeable cogs. (It’s the first. If you disagree, you won’t enjoy the rest of the article!) The more you can understand and utilize peoples’ individual strengths, the more productive they will be as individuals, and the stronger they will perform as a team.

Getting People to Care. The bottom line is that your job as a leader is to get people at all levels in your organization to personally care about the work. In the webinar, we talked about several ways to do this.

Outsourcing: Organizations who outsource work to a “lower cost workforce” and treat the remote team like “resources” fail. Leaders who outsource work to a “lower cost workforce” and treat the remote team like people – like unique, creative individuals are successful. I have seen many instances of both.

Clarity and Alignment

Remove Uncertainty. One of the most important jobs of a leader is to remove uncertainty. Uncertainty is demotivating and expensive. People need to know clearly what is expected of them. Vague, fuzzy intentions and indecision kills productivity and morale.

Measures and Goals. Having the right, clear measures and goals actually increases motivation (not to mention performance). People like to know where the finish line is and how success will be measured.  And they love to finish things! We talked about how to pick and measure the right things.

Clear Job Descriptions. Beyond clear plans and goals, having clear job descriptions for individuals ensures that people not only understand what needs to be done, but what excellence looks like (in contrast to average or poor performance) in their role. This webinar includes an excellent role definition worksheet which helps define and clarify the true expectations of a high performer.

Communicate for momentum

Consistency. There is no more important leadership behavior than to communicate. We covered techniques for communicating  strategy and measures, so people feel ongoing support to act in the new way that the business needs. The webinar includes several worksheets to plan your communications.

Confidence. People like to feel like they are in the loop. Consistent communication builds confidence and community in addition to sharing information.

Keep it going. The pull for people to go back to the old way of doing things is incredibly strong. Without steady (so steady you are bored with it) communications, as well as reporting on how you are progressing, people will not believe you are serious — they will get nervous, and they will go back to what they were doing before.

Connecting the Dots. Taking time to explain to people why their work matters, and how it serves the bigger picture, business strategy is a huge motivator. People want to know that their work matters. Meaning has been proven to be even more motivating than money. Make sure you can, and do, explain to people why their work matters.

Team Techniques

Team Building – In Person and Remote. Although it is more difficult to do team building exercises with remote and geographically dispersed teams, we talked about some ways to do this — and that you shouldn’t skip it. The more people know eachother personally and the more they feel like a team, the more motivated and productive they will be.

Leading a New Team. As a new leader to a team, it’s important to establish a connection with your new team that gives them confidence, and motivates them to care about helping you. We talked about a few ideas for how to engage your new team quickly, and get their help while you are learning the business.

Want more?

If you missed the webinar and you want to hear it in its entirety…

• Listen or download the podcast for $9.99
• Download the complete webinar for $19.99 and get the presentation and the worksheets, too!

All downloads are free for members.

Act now

• Get yourself a membership
• Get a membership for someone whose career you care about

Become a member

• Get full access to the Member Library with unlimited webinar downloads and much more
• Get personal access to Patty in monthly member-only Coaching Hour conference calls
• Get a personal career advantage
• Become a Member (Only $179 for a whole year!)

Provide membership to your team

Membership to the Azzarello Group Business Leaders’ program is a practical and useful development program.
(Contact me for group rates)

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

Free eBook Download

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Stalled Progress

Two questions for you:

1. Do you have an initiative that you talk about as being really important to your business, but you are not making progress on it?

2. Have you been talking about it (without making progress) for a year or more?

If you can answer yes to these questions, you are not alone!

I see this stalled progress on key initiatives in my work with management teams all the time.

Shallow Nice-ness

There are several things that stall progress, but one that occurs a lot is the human tendency to avoid conflict.

And it’s almost impossible for a team to make progress on something new, without raising, and working through some conflict.

Many teams opt for a false sense of agreement and pleasantness instead.

The problem becomes that to “maintain the peace”, you must avoid creating clarity about what you are really going to do.

You stay at the level of the high-level goal, and hoped-for outcome, but no concrete plan to actually do it.

Get Comfortable with Clarity… and Conflict

Clarity is the secret sauce for execution.

You need to be comfortable with the fact that creating real clarity is going to expose disagreements. It’s going to expose gaps. It’s going to expose things that you need to deal with.

Once you get concrete about what you intend to do, when? how? what? who? where does the money come from? how will you measure success? and what are the consequences for not doing it? you’ll raise all kinds of opportunity for disagreement and conflict.

Once you get really clear, people will not agree.

But that’s the important part.

That means you are doing it right

As I bring teams through this process of getting real clarity, taking the time to hear the opinions and debate, we reach a point where everyone can see what they need to do differently, specifically.

It becomes clear what everyone needs to do personally to achieve the big goal. Everyone leaves knowing exactly what is expected, and how they will be measured on what they do moving forward.

For example, If you just say, “we need to sell solutions at a higher level in our customer base”, everyone can feel happy, agree, and get along. People will just nod their head, smile…and nothing will happen.

As soon as you say, “but to do that means that we will take our top 5 reps, target them at these 5 strategic accounts, give the rest of their accounts to others and change their comp plan”, you are inviting conflict. But the good news is that you’ll know what you are actually going to do! So you can do it.

Being Fuzzy – the comfortable hazard

If you are not clear enough to cause and then work through conflict, I call this being fuzzy. Being fuzzy may be more comfortable in the moment, but it stalls progress because:

• Nothing changes.
• People go back to whatever they were doing before because they clearly know what that is — and they don’t know, specifically, what they need to do, to do the new thing.
• When the outcome doesn’t happen, you can’t put your finger on what isn’t working, because you never defined exactly what “working” looks like.
• If people are not performing you can’t do performance management because you haven’t defined the expectations clearly enough to show the gap.
• If you can’t show the gap, you can’t get people to cross it.

Productive Conflict

Here are some ideas for how to do create clarity and work though necessary conflict with your team:

Clarify the Desired Outcome

First you need to be really clear about the desired outcome. What is expected?

Then:

• You need to break that big goal down clearly into smaller, concrete parts.
• You need to be clear about who is responsible for each piece.
• You need to be clear about how each piece is resourced.
• You need to be clear about what doing something different in each case means to the old way of doing something.
• You need to be clear about how the roles of specific people change.
• You need to be clear about not only what the new tasks and deliverables are, but what are the new behaviors and values that are expected at each level.
• You need to be clear about how the success of each role will be measured.
• You need to be clear about what the consequences are for not doing the new thing.
• You need to be clear about what will be communicated.
  .

But getting clarity on any one of these points opens the door to conflict.

You need to be comfortable with that and be ready to work through it.

Example #1

For example one team I worked with had the goal to improve the quality of their products. Everyone agreed that the priority of the next product release was quality.

They thought they agreed, but then I asked the following kinds of questions:

• In what ways will you change your testing process?
• Will you invest in new people or systems for ensuring or measuring quality?
• Will those resources be additive or taking from somewhere else? Where?
• Will you include customer testing earlier in the process?
• Will the role of the product developers change to include any quality elements?
• Will you measure the performance of the product developers differently? How so?
• Will you re-rate the priority of all the bugs in the system? Or just some of them? Under what criteria?
• Does that mean that you will stick to your quality plan when the sales force is clamoring for new features?
  .

Once we had this level of discussion (and conflict) we were able to create a real quality improvement plan with concrete tasks, owners, measures, and communications about it. Everyone know what to do and what to expect.

Example #2

Another example to continue from above…another organization I worked with had the goal to sell higher up in organizations. They all agreed on that. But then we had the following discussion:

• Do you expect every rep to spend some time on strategic deal making? How much time? Doing what, exactly?
• Or will you pilot this in a few accounts with a few key sales reps? Which reps? Which accounts? What happens to the rest of their accounts?
• Will you offer the same products? Or will you need to create new product/solution offers to appeal at a higher level?
• How will you engage customers differently? Are people trained to do that? Who will be trained?
• How will you measure if it is happening? What will you do it if isn’t?
• Or does that mean that you will split the team into tactical and strategic teams?
• Will you change the comp plans of the sales team?

.

Again, once we had this level of discussion, they were able to come up with a concrete plan to make, measure, and communicate progress each quarter over the next year.

Remove Uncertainty

One of the most important things you can do as a leader is to remove uncertainty.

It can feel uncomfortable to be so clear that it raises conflict. Discussing the answer to all these kinds of questions out loud, with your team, opens the door to conflict, but that’s a good thing.

That is the only reliable way to move forward, and get out of the position of still talking about an initiative a year later, that you haven’t made progress on.

What do you think?

How do you create clarity and deal with conflict to make progress. Please share your experience in the comment box below.

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

Free eBook Download

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Recently, I keep finding reasons to think about being scared. Or more specifically…

…getting reminded that being scared is OK.

Successful people spend as much (or more) time being scared as they do feeling confident and comfortable.

The difference is that they do it anyway.

My worst moment…

Here is the story of what might be the worst moment in my career.

I was in my early 20′s and I was a sales engineer. My job was to demonstrate technical products during the sales process.

It was my first week on the job after being trained on one of the two products in our product line. The sales force was not supposed to schedule demos for me for the second (more sophisticated and specialized…”scarier”) product until I had a chance to get the training. So much for “supposed to”…

I found myself in a room of customers who demanded that I do a demo of the product I didn’t know. I told them that I could show them the product, but I wasn’t prepared to do a full demo. So I launched the product and they started firing questions at me. I must have said, “I don’t know, I’ll have to find out and get back to you” at least 30 times. It was humiliating.

Talk about uncomfortable. I don’t think I knew the answer to a single one of their questions. I didn’t even understand the questions. It was painful. I was used to being seen as smart and competent and prepared. I was SO embarrassed. Then it came…

One of the customers said to the sales person in a frustrated, angry tone. ” Why did you bring HER? She doesn’t know anything!”

You know what happened?

I didn’t die.

Yes, it was very painful, and beyond uncomfortable, but it didn’t kill me.
What it did do, was give me a list of 30 important questions customers have about this product.

The next day I sat down with the product manager and asked him to explain to me what those 30 questions meant, and how to demonstrate them in the product.

Within a week I was the second most competent (and in demand) sales engineer to demonstrate that product. By contrast, there were other sales engineers at the company who stayed scared to demo that product, so they never even tried. Their careers did not advance.

Scared is OK

That one experience allowed me to be scared for the rest of my career, but to also know it’s OK. I was genuinely scared every time I got a promotion. I was scared many times in big presentations, meetings or negotiations.

That man’s voice was in my head saying, why did you bring HER. She doesn’t know anything.

But that lesson allowed me to realize:

1. That you can be scared, screw up, even fail, and you will survive.
2. That failure-learning cycle is far more valuable than the safe, not-doing-it approach, where you learn and accomplish nothing.
3. Over time it get’s easier. If you force yourself to act when you are scared, every time it gets easier to act when you are scared.

In brief — do it scared.

Scared and Successful

Ultimately, I was able to be scared, and still perform really well most of the time. My way of working would be to push forward, be scared, and do it anyway.

I still cringe sometimes. I am not perfect. I forget things, and get thrown off sometimes. But now when that happens I always think about what I learn from the minor embarrassment and feedback. It makes me better next time, and forever after. I would not improve without some amount of trial and failure.

If you never put yourself out there, you never get the feedback, practice, insight, and ideas to tune what you are doing to be more successful. You just stay stuck.

And it’s also important to realize that if you mess up a few times in dozens or hundreds of outings, it has no impact whatsoever on peoples’ impression of you. Those moments just fade away as you replace them with the improved, excellent ones.

Fear and Competence

People who are not held back by fear have broken the link between fear and competence.

What I mean by this is that some people when they feel scared, have a tendency to think that is a sign that they are not worthy. They think…

If I am scared and I feel vulnerable, that must mean by definition that I am not good enough to be in this situation.

This is not how successful people think. Successful people break the link and say something instead like…

I feel scared and vulnerable, so it’s going to be harder than I expected to put myself out there. Damn, I guess I have to do it anyway.

It breaks my heart when I see gifted people hold themselves back because they are too nervous to step forward.

One woman in particular I am thinking of did some breakthrough medical research, but was not comfortable being the one to present it. Guess what happened.
The presenter claimed the credit and she got pushed aside. What should have been a breakthrough moment in her career turned into a setback.

The invisible risk

Staying in the background because it is more comfortable, does nothing. It adds no value, you don’t learn, and you fade into the background. In terms of being vulnerable, in reality you are much more vulnerable if you are invisible, than if you are out there.

Being out there and being imperfect, trying to move things forward, and committing to contribute is actually a much less risky way to behave in your career.

Leaders Step Forward

It’s not about being flashy or having a big personality. Leaders drive outcomes and then they communicate about them. Even the most humble, introspective, introverted leaders put themselves out there when they need to. And it is very powerful.

The power comes from showing that you are taking ownership for the outcome of the communication, not from the song and dance. Leaders step forward and show others that they care.

I saw a TED talk by Dr. Brene Brown about Vulnerability and Shame. I’ve included a link below, it’s really worth watching, but I wanted to point out a couple of things that really struck me on this topic of fear and success.

1. Everyone feels vulnerabilty and shame

Everyone. Not just some people. Not just most people. Everyone. If you are human you feel shame (unless you are a psychopath).
So there you have it. Vulnerable or Pshcyopath.

I found that very comforting. To think because I feel scared, I am not good enough, makes no sense – because everyone is in the same boat. Another reason to do it anyway.

2. There is no Creativity or Innovation without fear

There is no success without failure. Great ideas and big successes come from people who are willing try, fail, and keep going. Good ideas stem from bad ideas. Failure is necessary to progress.

Do it scared, and you might get someplace.

The words she uses, which I really like are “Daring Greatly”.

Here is the link to Dr. Brene Brown’s talk “Listening to Shame”.

Her research and her talk are about much more than these two points. It’s worth the time…

What about you?

When have you been scared or failed, built success out of it. Please leave your story in the comment box.

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

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The Webinar:

This month’s Business Leaders’ webinar was on Ruthless Priorities & Guilt.

If you missed it you can download the podcast or the whole webinar (includes presentation, worksheets and templates.
(more information below)

Here is what we talked about:

Ruthless Priorities

No one is helping you: Definining and sticking to Ruthless Priorities is one of the most important and hardest things we are asked to do as business leaders. It also sets the most successful business leaders apart. But it’s not easy because not only will no one help you do this, most people will fight you, and want you to keep doing everything.

What’s really most important? We talked about how to choose what is truly most important (compared to everything that is important), and how to negotiate a doable workload with your boss and your peers.

Credibility

Build Credibility: It’s important to maintain (if not actually build) your credibility by the work you choose to do and finish. Getting a reputation for getting important things done builds your credibility.

Negotiate: But you can’t just pick and choose on your own. You need to negotiate your workload based on business priorities and sell the value of what you are doing. This ensures you stay aligned with your boss and builds support for your choices.

Bad bosses: We talked about difficult bosses who just dump work, and who would prefer their employees just do as they’re told and not think on their own (ugh.) We talked about ways around this if you are unfortunate enough to be stuck with a boss who can’t set priorities personally, and tortures you with chaos.

How to Say NO to your Boss (and be OK):

Stage the work: When you feel like you can’t get everything done that your boss is asking, it feels scary and you might feel guilty, or at risk. We talked about how to turn this around and use Ruthless Priorities to work with your boss on defining and staging the most important work to be done first, so you come out strong and focused.

Your boss needs you to THINK not just DO: We talked about 3 ways to negotiate your workload with your boss that give you a doable workload, and maintain high credibility. A big part of this is to realize that your boss needs help thinking and prioritizing, not just working.

Success: Trying to do everything and failing is not success. Getting the most important stuff done is success.

How to Say NO to your Peers: It’s not just your boss that wants you do stuff. Lot’s of other people make demands on your time too. The guilt comes in when you feel like you are letting people down. We covered techniques for pushing back, but eliminating the let-down (and the guilt).

Communicating:

Make a list: Make a list to catch ALL the work requests so you are seen as never dropping anything. We talked about how to use the list to say “later” instead of “no”.

Avoid silence: It’s important to never just drop requests in silence. Prepare a communication plan to describe your priorities and why they matter. Keeping a list of all requests, with noted Ruthless Priorities vs. everything else is a wonderful communication tool to build credibility too.

What you ARE doing: Both with your boss and your peers it is always more inspiring to talk about what you ARE doing, than what you ARE NOT doing. Sell the business value of your Ruthless priorities. This allows you to gain support from your boss and peers for what you are doing, and defend your time to get your Ruthless Priorities done.

Create a realistic workload

Make an assessment: It’s important to examine your workload and do an assessment of what is realistic. You’ll never get it all done, so you need a plan for dealing with the work and eliminating the worry. The worksheets in this webinar provide templates for doing this.

It’s lazier to say YES all the time: Saying yes to everything, and trying to do everything is actually a lazier way of working than setting Ruthless Priorities and sticking to them. It’s hard to do the strategic thinking, negotiating, communicating — and to have the guts to set and stick to Ruthless Priorities. That’s why it’s a way of working that sets the strongest leaders apart.

Fear and Guilt

Where is it coming from? It’s important to understand where the guilt is coming from. Are you actually being accused of something? Or is the guilt self imposed? We talked about how to proactively address both.

You are human. Everyone feels fear and guilt. Everyone. It’s not that some people feel this way, or even that most people feel this way. Everyone feels this way. If you are human, you feel this way. (Or you are a psychopath). So be encouraged that you are not wrong or weak. You’re just like everyone else in this regard.

Do it scared: Just because you feel fear and guilt does not mean you are undeserving of, or not qualified for job you have. It just means you have to do it anyway. Even the most successful people feel fear and guilt because they are human — they just do it anyway. I was completely terrified each time I stepped into a new, bigger, job. It’s OK (and necessary) to do it scared.

I will be writing more about this in future articles….

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

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Hiring Business Leaders

I’ve recently been writing about business leadership and strategy, and I began thinking about something one of my mentors taught me about being an executive.

He said, “the most important decision you make is when you choose WHO.”

Hiring top talent is the not-very-secret, secret to success. But we all make mistakes sometimes.

Here are the top 6 mistakes I see executives make when choosing business leaders:

1. Admire a past accomplishment too much

Very often a candidate will have an accomplishment in their past that is truly extraordinary. It’s more impressive than anything you’ve ever done and far out shadows the accomplishments of the other candidates. Wow! You’re Hired!

Don’t: Hire the candidate based on this one grand accomplishment alone.
Don’t: Assume this breakthrough will be repeated for you.

Do: Make sure they are ahead of the pack on many of the other hiring needs too.
Do: Make sure to get them to talk about how they will think, learn about, and do the specific things you need done — don’t assume brilliant success on the prior thing will automatically translate to brilliant success on what you need done.

2. Put too much stock in advanced degrees

I know plenty of people with advanced degrees who are highly effective business leaders, but I know as many who are not. Advanced degrees alone are not proof of future business success. They are only proof that the person is capable of getting advanced degrees.

Don’t: Say “wow, look at all those masters and PhD’s – you must be better than all the others that don’t have them”.

Do: Get them to talk about examples of how they have done things like you need done.
Do: Get them to give examples of how they personally conceived of and led business change.

3. Too much experience

One of my first hires was to hire a telemarketing guy who had 22 years of experience being a telemarketing guy. I was so impressed! Oops.

Don’t: Hire someone only because they have a huge amount of experience in the thing you need done. Maybe they have so much experience in that job because they were never good enough to get promoted! If you are hiring an expert you may be OK, but if you are hiring a leader be suspicious. You are always better off judging and hiring for smarts and future capability than past experience — because the problems and opportunities are always changing.

Do: Look for advancement on a resume over experience. See: Make Better Hires, How to Hire a Star.

4. Fall in love with the person

OK, when after the inteview you want to go out for drinks with the person even more than you want to work with them, make sure you are not mistaking how much you like the person as a potential friend, with making the right hiring decision.

Don’t: Make this decision alone.
Do: Get others’ help validating the person’s capabilities and fit for the job.

5. Fail to check references

This seems so obvious, but for all the reasons listed above, I have seen people not bother, or get too busy, or need to move too fast to check references. Then they get surprised and burned. In all the cases above, add to the DO list: check references!

Don’t: Ever NOT-check references
Do: Always check back channel references, not just the ones they give you.

6. Pass over people who are too smart

The best executives hire the best people. Then the whole organization gets stronger.
It’s only weak, ineffective leaders who hire weaker people. Then the whole organizations gets weaker. Your team needs to make you bigger, better, and more capable.

Don’t: Get scared by smart people. It’s never a losing move to hire a really smart person.
DO: Always hire the smartest people you can find. See: Are you smarter than me

Here are 3 past articles on hiring that were some of the most widely read ever!

Are you smarter than me?

Why you should never be threatened by smart people. Why and how to seek out the best and build a highly capable team.

How to hire a star

How to identify, attract, and get the support to hire rising stars. And how to make the most of it while they work for you.

Make better hires – a great story

This article has one of my all time favorite stories about 2 students’ creative responsive to a question about a barometer on a test.
It’s about how to hire for capability over experience.

What have you learned about hiring top people?

Leave a comment in the box below.

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

Free eBook Download

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Ruthless Priorities

I often talk about the importance of Ruthless Priorities – You can download a free excerpt about this from my book, RISE.

But often, people say, “Patty, I am good at prioritizing, I do get the most important things done, but how do I deal with the guilt I feel about all the things I am not doing.”

Next week I am doing a free webinar on Ruthless Priorities (and Guilt).

But today, I just want to talk about the guilt!

4 Common Sources of Guilt

Guilt #1: I need to show that I am committed

Some corporate cultures are very aggressively hard working. The expectation is that you arrive early, stay late, and look busy. If not, you run the risk of being seen as less engaged or committed.

The secret: The employees do this to themselves. They build it up into a competitive frenzy — and most companies don’t discourage it. Why would they?

Your company can absorb an unlimited amount of work from you and not really care.

But you need to recognize that you are not scoring any great points for being extra-committed by your heroic and tireless efforts.

Your company will never value your over-work as much as you think they do or should.

What will your company value?

Value.

You don’t want to be known as that person who is always there and always working hard, but no one can put their finger on what value you are adding.

You do want to be known as the employee always manages to finish the most important, valuable projects. (And when you do this, it doesn’t matter how busy you look.)

What to do: Schedule time to think. Then think about how to make yourself less busy and more strategic. Conceive of ways to contribute more value to the business.

Bottom line: Get famous for adding value not for just working hard.

Guilt #2 – I am afraid of getting fired

This is really just a scarier version of the first point.

I have seen whole teams of people working in this mode get laid off. It turns out that not only did the company not need them all to work that hard, they didn’t need them to work at all.

People who are afraid of losing their job often put their head down and do what they are told. This doesn’t help.

What to do: take it upon yourself to understand what your business values and find a way to deliver more of that. Find a way to solve problems for your team or improve the work environment and do that.

Bottom line: Problem solvers don’t get laid off as much as unquestioning doers get laid off. Don’t wait to be told what to do. You figure it out. Help your manager think and solve problems.

Guilt #3. I feel bad about letting someone down personally

When saying NO feels uncomfortable personally, try these things:

1. Talk about what you “Are Doing” not what you are “Not Doing”.
Simply saying NO is not that impressive and may invite disappointment.

However, if you can demonstrate the business value of what you ARE doing and say that you need to get this really important thing done first, you can buy yourself some time.

If you have set your Ruthless Priorities aligned with business goals, you should be able to have a business discussion about why what you are working on is so important, and people will back off and not think badly of you.

2. Say “Later” not “NO”
Whether your employee, peer, or boss is asking you to do something that is not a Ruthless Priority, you can say “Yes, but not now”. I need do this other thing first.

“Later” is much more comfortable than “NO”. (But If you are lying and you really mean “never”, I suggest you go back to point number one.)

3. Keep a list:
Keeping a list of everything that is requested of you is a great way to negotiate and deflect. It makes you appear highly competent because you can show you haven’t dropped anything. Then you can use the list to have a business discussion about priorities.

Bottom line: No one other than you has any motivation whatsoever to make you less busy. It’s up to you.

Guilt #4. Utterly Self Inflicted

There is one more type of guilt I have observed which is completely self inflicted. If you find yourself on a Sunday saying…

“OK, so far this weekend I finished the board report, cleared my inbox, did the grocery shopping, helped my son with his science project, did pilates, picked out the paint colors and fabrics for the renovation, exchanged the space heater at Costco, got commitment from the local celebrity to host the fund-raiser, pre-cooked & packaged organic lunches for the family next week..but I’m feeling guilty about not finishing my Chinese self study lesson…

The answer: Recognize no one is grading you on this insane to-do list. Give yourself a break!

Bottom Line: You are good enough. Successful people don’t do everything.

What do you think? How do you say NO and feel OK about it?

Leave a comment in the box below.

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About Patty
Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)

You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.

Free eBook Download

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